Thursday, December 13, 2007
Thursday, December 06, 2007
December Thoughts
December is always a busy month for me-for all the obvious holiday-related reasons, plus my birthday falling on the 12th and now Alex's on the 20th. I become contemplative in December, what with rolling over to a higher number on the birthday (next week will be 38), and the end of the year. This year it's also the end of the first year of being a mother. Questions such as: what do I like about my life (lots), what would I like to change (a couple of things, already discussed on this blog), what do I need to deal with.
On the health front, walking every morning has been doing good things for me-clothes are loosening, energy levels are rising, change is coming slowly. I still hold the 40th birthday goal in my mind, and try to make decisions accordingly. I'm feeling ready to ramp up my exercise amounts.
I'm thinking more about the possibility of becoming a school librarian. I do need to go back to work once Alex starts school, and becoming a novelist is to ephemeral a goal to count on. Ron has been incredibly patient with me (I stopped working as a technical writer in February of 2005), but a reliable income will be necessary once Alex doesn't need me at home anymore. At first, the thought of doing the librarian thing depressed me, like I was a failure as a writer if that happened, but now I think that it may be part of my path in life, just as writing is. I don't have to do it for the rest of my life, but it feels like a good fit during Alex's early school years, at least.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately has been my relationship with my mom. Our relationship seems to be degrading, and I'm not sure why that's happening. I know that I need to talk to her about it, but I'm scared to. There are complicated psychological forces at work here, for both of us, and I'm trying not to let myself fall back into the mind state of the 4 year old whose mother left her. It can be difficult at times. I'm sure I'd benefit highly from the work of a good therapist. :)
Lots to think about.
On the health front, walking every morning has been doing good things for me-clothes are loosening, energy levels are rising, change is coming slowly. I still hold the 40th birthday goal in my mind, and try to make decisions accordingly. I'm feeling ready to ramp up my exercise amounts.
I'm thinking more about the possibility of becoming a school librarian. I do need to go back to work once Alex starts school, and becoming a novelist is to ephemeral a goal to count on. Ron has been incredibly patient with me (I stopped working as a technical writer in February of 2005), but a reliable income will be necessary once Alex doesn't need me at home anymore. At first, the thought of doing the librarian thing depressed me, like I was a failure as a writer if that happened, but now I think that it may be part of my path in life, just as writing is. I don't have to do it for the rest of my life, but it feels like a good fit during Alex's early school years, at least.
Another thing that has been on my mind lately has been my relationship with my mom. Our relationship seems to be degrading, and I'm not sure why that's happening. I know that I need to talk to her about it, but I'm scared to. There are complicated psychological forces at work here, for both of us, and I'm trying not to let myself fall back into the mind state of the 4 year old whose mother left her. It can be difficult at times. I'm sure I'd benefit highly from the work of a good therapist. :)
Lots to think about.
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